jack reviews life

tracheitis

One could compare the tracheitis to a vacation on a tropical island. First off, you don’t have to go to work, so it is vacation time for you. And what is better than having feelings like you are on an ocean swell while sitting in the comfort of your own couch? Why go to a tropical island when you can just be sick? Another fun fact is that you sweat while doing absolutely nothing, just like you would probably be doing if you were sitting on a nice warm beach somewhere. You’ll burn right up with that fever, so make sure you drink your liquids! Margaritas? How about water mixed with Mucinex? Seafood? Hack up your goobers and swallow them down, it tastes just like any crustacean that you could boil up from the ocean’s womb. Fuck, I ate so much I could just puke. You won’t be able to sleep on your tracheitis vacation! Who has time to do that with everything else that is going on!? Damn it you know I’m right and it costs a hell of a lot less. Stop being such excessive bitches and give your money to some hurricane relief fund.

my cat

At first glance, she is quite adorable, and to a stranger she is curiously fun. Playful and quirky, attentive and bold, she will pounce on a new person’s lap as if they were covered in tuna fish. A constant hunger to play, she has outlasted her kitten phase with energetic urges to plummet head first into furniture. As pets age like a fine wine, finding fuller and richer bonds with their owners, this cat does not quite fulfill one’s dreams of becoming such. Her affection comes only at inopportune times such as: while playing a video game, trying to be constructive on the computer, or better yet, while sleeping. But the poor judgment on when to be affectionate is not the only downfall. The main problem would be the obsession with ribbon consumption, which becomes an ugly form of vomit when regurgitated. It would be common sense that after consuming something and vomiting it up, it would be looked at as not something that would be common practice. Alas, cats do not share the same problem solving skills as humans do. She dips her paws in my water all the time and it pisses me off. Although there are these downfalls, she still maintains a high standing because of her cute mannerisms, and although she has horrible timing with her affection, at least she is gives it the ol’ college try.